Head Under Water

I've got Love Song in my head. Not too sure why, I don't even particularly like that song. Curse you Mix 94.1! Ahem.

This is VOX, eh? I think I might just like it more than Xanga. It's fancy and new [to me] and I think I'm going to try to be as honest as I can be. I think I'm going to try? Wow, that was committed. How about, I'm going to be as honest as possible in this blog-thing. Here I go.

I want what I want, and I want it now. But, I also want it when it's the most financially appropriate. What?! I want things, like a Wii and yet another iPod. Shit, I want to FUCKING move out of Andy's parents' house. I want to be friendly. I want more friends. I want to lose fucking 50+ pounds. I want some goddamn drive, determination and will power. But none of these things I have, or have done.

I've lost, oh, 10 pounds or so in the last month. But it wasn't really me. It's the pills I'm taking. Yup, that's right. I taking medication to lose weight. Then again I got it from my doctor and I go to see her once a month to check my progress [or lack thereof] and my blood pressure, so really, it's not that bad. I'm not on crack, just phentermine. Chill.
You see, I feel huge. I feel nasty. I feel uncomfortable. But I know I can be better. I know it. I know Andy would be so proud of me. I want/need him to be happy for me/proud of me. I need to be comfortable with myself. I'm not. But... I have no will power whatsoever. I can tell myself that I'm going to do 100 crunches everynight before bed but that doesn't mean at all that it's going to happen. I can sit in the lobby of the gym for 20 minutes, but that doesn't mean I'm actually going to go in.

--sigh--

The thing about growing up is that you stop getting what you want when you want it. Seems pretty obvious, I know, but it doesn't really hit you until you're out on your own, wanting things, and not being able to get them because there are more important things to consider.

A word of caution to all college-bound seniors. Do NOT mess up your first semester, because it's damn easy to do, and difficult to fix. It isn't high school, where you can just take it senior year with the other freshies. In college, you just wasted $400+ and now you need to make it up with another $400+. To future UNLV students: if you fail ONE class your first semester, you will loose millennium for the next semester. And when it's time for next semester, you will need to take the full 12 credit load plus the 3 or so credits you didn't attain last semester. If you have substantial financial aide, you NEED to make up those 3 credits or you will LOSE that aide. And if you don't get a 2.75 GPA or higher, you still won't get the millennium back. And if you do get it back, and loose it again, you can NEVER get it back again. Fucking up is for high school. Don't take things for granted in college, because there you can loose them.

Shit, did that sound bitter or what?! Yes, it did happen to me. And I don't want it to happen to anyone else. It sucks. Alot.

I really don't want to post anymore. I don't think this really has a point. Not like anyone's going to read it. Except maybe Crissy, since she's the only other person I know and like with a VOX. W/e.